Rose December Beauty

Bright winter sun

Low in the afternoon sky

Cleared by last night’s storm

Wind and rain

Against the heavy thick sky

Is chilled crisp in quiet

Sinking in of winter beauty

Here in the aftermath

Scattered Rose petals

Among fallen brown oak and sycamore leaves

Showing rosehips ripening red-orange

By winter sun

Here in Winter’s barren beauty

Buds and blossoms

Roses

Velvet Red, Pink, Lavender, Yellow

Shocking color in winter’s palette

Warming lingering hope

In soundless enveloping petals

Bobbing on winter breezes

What am I thankful for today

I have been trying to practice gratitude over the last week or so. Some days are great and some days are like today. I can list what I am grateful for - but I am not feeling the gratitude - until this afternoon, so here goes

I am thankful I have a job where I can be quiet and let sometimes troubling things just be
I am thankful for the November roses still blooming in the rose garden at work
I am thankful for the oak tree I walk around
I am thankful for the autumn leaves on the ground that I can playfully shuffle through
I am thankful I am going to talk to my therapist tonight - to help with all this Thanksgiving stuff
I am thankful for my breath - as I draw it in and let it go

These little gratitudes have helped me through this day.....

I did the ice cream thing.....

Saturday night - after the red tent temple on the way home I was thinking about Priscilla and I wanted something creamy. I didn't have any yogurt in the house so I got some Ben and Jerry's everything but the ice cream. I thought ( ha) that I could just have 1/2 the pint - but it was so hard to scoop out that I just did the whole thing - and it tasted good. Well, there we go, that is that.....

Sunday I didn't feel great, so I went back to be, proceeded to get a migraine - I haven't had one of those in a couple of years and lounge my way through the rest of the day.

Today is kind of blah - I really wanted to crawl under a rock this morning. I am thinking about Thanksgiving - and having a little panic because I am not going home. My parents have gone through some big changes this year but I want to be in NYC part of the weekend to visit Priscilla in the hospital and maybe get a burger with her husband George. I really feel kind of torn about this holiday. I struggle with hanging out this new people and I struggle with hanging out with my family. Honestly I have been feeling a little lonely.


I am not so worried about Thanksgiving day and over eating - it is a day to enjoy good food and good people and I intend on doing both without reservation. I am researching recipes for a pear cobbler without gluten, eggs or dairy - well I might use butter. I am going to use almond flour and maybe add apples or apricot jam to my creation. I am also bringing a pumpkin pie for dessert.

Body Love

The night turned chilled

From the first of the winter rains

Inside the dark room

Red, pink and purple Christmas lights

Magic color glowed

I naked on the bed

Dreaming of body love

Filling every cell with luminous

Pink glitter light

Saying

I am sorry

For all the harm

I unthinkingly subjected you to

In the sorrow

I opened all of me

To tingling light awareness

Caressing me

Inside and out

Lusciously loving all my wiggly curves

My heart was awake

Both sorrow and joy

Wanting to burst this container

To let love fly in the night

Bouquet of Autumn Leaves

Pick a bouquet of autumn leaves

Heavy paint patterns

Zebra stripe yellow and deep red

Revealed under the green

Collect the yellow maple leaves

That show off against the twilight

Long shadowed sun

Dipping deep in the west

Seeking winter rest

Here the pinch of regret

Of colors having to pass away

A of the delicate fair pink roses

Whose petals now dance on the

Twilight autumn wind

That I too could fly away

To some wind swept rest

Wrapped in rose petals and painted leaves

Speed Bumps

I don’t know about you
But I don’t go gently and slow
Over the Speed Bumps of life
No
I actually don’t see mind coming
This time it was by denial
How in the world I didn’t think
This wouldn’t come back to bite me
After falling off the wagon
Baffles me
But there you have it
I figuratively slammed into my speed bump
And
Tumbling along
Were bundles of issues
Related and deep
Tangled up
In memories, episodes, experiences
And yet I knew it was out there
Maybe I even created it
Working on questions
Breaking old patterns
Forging a new path
Where the old patterns don’t work
Others try to reassure me
This wasn’t a speed bump
Rather a root a tripped on
By reminding me of many good things
Courage
Questions
Getting into the murky muck
And I tried to listen
My head knew they were right
But my heart
Felt wounded
By its own betrayal
I lost faith in myself
It was hard to believe in me
So I love this heart
And my questions
And I forgive me
Finding faith and magic again
So that in time I learn from
My own betrayal
To be honest with myself
To unpack and reveal the hidden pattern
To Love my heart and all of me
So that
The next speed bump I come to
I might roll over it more easily

Dismantling

Listen to what you say to yourself
Especially the can’ts
The blinders we have put in front of ourselves
The fairytales we create to hide from the truth
The tiny roomed prisons we build for ourselves
The world around us hands us the mortar
Dances images before us to bedazzle
To the point of blindness
The rules we grew up and used
Because we didn’t know any better
Through time we get beaten down
Not bothering to try anymore
Because we are not valued
By the world we live in
But beneath all of this
Are the bones of our freedom
The small voice
The nagging thought
That told us something was very wrong
There was something more
Then the shell that fear created
Again there are freedom’s bones
The questions that dig deep
The light that cuts away the excess
The knowing that lets truth
Shutter YES inside you
The patterns
Once seen for what they are
And now no longer work
Taking on the fear
Stepping beyond it
To
I CAN

Morning Thunderstorm

The morning thunderstorm
Rumbling buzz of raindrops
Caught me in my dreams
Where I journeyed
Naked
Laid down
Among the dewed tall grass
With a belly of tears
That trembles next to the earth
Of all that is slighted women
Separated from her strength and wisdom
A thousand cuts of fear
Cry them out to the rain
Thunder to shake the bones
Let the heavy dewed earth
Hold my sorrow
Wet
Let the rain
Wash me
Wet my skin
Dripping it fresh
And cool with beauty’s love
Slick and moist
Sparkling lips glistening caressed
Love bud blessed
Soles softened
Wake to the rain magic
Claiming Goddess hope
Stepping into Beauty’s rain kissed power