assumptions and expections

July 30, 2008

Let me use the language of assumption and expectation when talking about making mistakes. We have assumptions and expectations for all kinds of reasons, but I think we have them partly to protect vulnerable parts of ourselves. We shield ourselves by creating assumptions and expectations for how life should be. By assuming another person thinks or acts a certain way, based on some perceived information – only to find out the assumption was wrong can be a lesson in shortsightedness and humility. Assumptions are a façade on our own blind spots and even hidden tender wounds. Expectations can be family or society norms, ethics or ideals that we have learned, make us who we are, but can also blind us to what is not the truth about our lives.

This lesson of assumption and expectation has been visited on me recently, along with the humility of trying to learn the lesson. When such vulnerabilities are exposed my assumptions and expectation took over seemingly either to explain or defend myself, and I end up hurting not just myself but others as well.

And yet it takes a willingness to be vulnerable that can expose assumptions and expectations for what they are – facades, mirages hiding all kinds of secrets. They are illusions that are mirrors reflecting back at us only what we want to see. Vulnerability puts a crack in those mirrors and exposes those facades and mirages and can expose the truth underneath.

That truth can show that life can be more ambiguous and less defined, more messy and chaotic but also creative and wonderful and full of possibilities that expectations and assumptions can cut off, or be made to conform.