Today it was St. Theresa’s prayer
Maybe
That helped me
Slay the monster ambition
Aroused by a whisper
About something I want
But am not ready for
I remembered I have the power to choose
How I react – How to view it –
How to not let it rob me of my inner peace
It was on the subway ride home
When I slew the monster
By realizing the monster ambition
Was an illusion
May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Turning negatives into positives
Let’s talk depression and anxiety
This has always been true in my life and something I think I learned from my father – that long walks, especially in winter, can give you answers to what is troubling you. As far back as I can remember always having the urge to take a long walk and preferably talk to a trusted friend to help me work something out. That is certainly true of today. It was on a long walk that I had a little epiphany.
It always starts when something gets knocked in my world. Something changes. The negative thinking begins. It pulls me off my positive thinking – the negative thinking starts, the worry starts. And sometimes no matter what I do I can’t get the positive, the negative thinking just takes over and is a relentless circle – like a dog chasing its tail. Then suddenly I am shaken out of it. It is little things and maybe I am getting better at seeing the pattern soon and so don’t let the negative pattern take hold. I hate that sometimes it can be such a battle to be positive again – to break the grip of negative thinking, but when I do break it I feel always a renewed sense of purpose and genuine hope. So what was it this time that got me back to the positive? Like I said it is little things – an article from my sister about depression and how the slightest stressor can start the negative circle, then realizing that getting out and helping other people gets me both out of the “focus only on me-feel sorry for myself – me, me, me” cycle but it gives me a reality check on others who are either better or worse off then me. I connect with others instead of being isolated by myself. When I am depressed I can’t even muster trust and hope – my spiritual practice becomes like ash about me – it feels as if I can use it or trust it. Negative thoughts for me are like alcohol to an alcoholic – the negativity just doesn’t stop.
But there are times, like my walk this morning, when I realize that I doing the negative dance and I stop – I get my reality check – my positive thinking returns and my problems don’t seem quiet so insurmountable. And all that trusting I did - even when it felt like I couldn't trust anything - well - I really was trusting - trusting myself. And that is what ultimately opens me up to the answer or insight I need.
This has always been true in my life and something I think I learned from my father – that long walks, especially in winter, can give you answers to what is troubling you. As far back as I can remember always having the urge to take a long walk and preferably talk to a trusted friend to help me work something out. That is certainly true of today. It was on a long walk that I had a little epiphany.
It always starts when something gets knocked in my world. Something changes. The negative thinking begins. It pulls me off my positive thinking – the negative thinking starts, the worry starts. And sometimes no matter what I do I can’t get the positive, the negative thinking just takes over and is a relentless circle – like a dog chasing its tail. Then suddenly I am shaken out of it. It is little things and maybe I am getting better at seeing the pattern soon and so don’t let the negative pattern take hold. I hate that sometimes it can be such a battle to be positive again – to break the grip of negative thinking, but when I do break it I feel always a renewed sense of purpose and genuine hope. So what was it this time that got me back to the positive? Like I said it is little things – an article from my sister about depression and how the slightest stressor can start the negative circle, then realizing that getting out and helping other people gets me both out of the “focus only on me-feel sorry for myself – me, me, me” cycle but it gives me a reality check on others who are either better or worse off then me. I connect with others instead of being isolated by myself. When I am depressed I can’t even muster trust and hope – my spiritual practice becomes like ash about me – it feels as if I can use it or trust it. Negative thoughts for me are like alcohol to an alcoholic – the negativity just doesn’t stop.
But there are times, like my walk this morning, when I realize that I doing the negative dance and I stop – I get my reality check – my positive thinking returns and my problems don’t seem quiet so insurmountable. And all that trusting I did - even when it felt like I couldn't trust anything - well - I really was trusting - trusting myself. And that is what ultimately opens me up to the answer or insight I need.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Wild Mustang Fears
Panic’s wild mustangs race through my body
Wanting only to escape
Tossing me out of control
A wild stampede down the narrow canyon
Along the dry bed of the arroyo
Throwing up dust of my illusions
Racing forward to me
Gathering in me
As in a chorale
They come in close mingle
Press in on me
Jockey for position
As a sunset turns rocks glowing warm in twilight
What do I name first
They gather around
Jostle me for attention
Who comes forward first
The bold one is “She who fears that hoped for things will fall apart”
And her faol “Uncertainty”
She nudges my hand with her muzzle seeking attention
But “She who fears the future being alone”
and her faol “ no one has my back – only me”
Nudges in for attention
“She who sees what she wants but is scared that others will stand in the way”
Her faol is “Other’s misconceptions and assumptions”
She comes to me all most in tears – seeking comfort and reassurance
Look in her deep brown eyes and stroke her withers
Hug her and bury fearful tears in her warm coat
They are still wild – they buck and rear
Panic flash from their brown eyes
They still rampage around and inside me
Then the shy one “She who is confident and knows where she is going”
She is quietly at the edges of the herd slowly moving to be near the center
To nudge my hand and leads
Just walk slowly
Talk to them as they follow along
Chased away the fears
Trust me – trust yourself – trust the deep inner calm
Walk along the dusty arroyo
Look to Lady Stardust’s simmering night
In darkening evening twilight
Wanting only to escape
Tossing me out of control
A wild stampede down the narrow canyon
Along the dry bed of the arroyo
Throwing up dust of my illusions
Racing forward to me
Gathering in me
As in a chorale
They come in close mingle
Press in on me
Jockey for position
As a sunset turns rocks glowing warm in twilight
What do I name first
They gather around
Jostle me for attention
Who comes forward first
The bold one is “She who fears that hoped for things will fall apart”
And her faol “Uncertainty”
She nudges my hand with her muzzle seeking attention
But “She who fears the future being alone”
and her faol “ no one has my back – only me”
Nudges in for attention
“She who sees what she wants but is scared that others will stand in the way”
Her faol is “Other’s misconceptions and assumptions”
She comes to me all most in tears – seeking comfort and reassurance
Look in her deep brown eyes and stroke her withers
Hug her and bury fearful tears in her warm coat
They are still wild – they buck and rear
Panic flash from their brown eyes
They still rampage around and inside me
Then the shy one “She who is confident and knows where she is going”
She is quietly at the edges of the herd slowly moving to be near the center
To nudge my hand and leads
Just walk slowly
Talk to them as they follow along
Chased away the fears
Trust me – trust yourself – trust the deep inner calm
Walk along the dusty arroyo
Look to Lady Stardust’s simmering night
In darkening evening twilight
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