Ariel

I started a post about my beloved cat, Ariel, a couple of days ago and stopped because I thought what I had to say was too personal. Well I have changed my mind, maybe because I am slowly coming to terms with a decision I made.

Ariel is 17 years old - elderly in human years. She has been doing pretty well up until last week. She does have kidney disease which has been under control for 3 years. The episode last week I feel is a warning to me that I better pay attention because her life maybe coming to an end sooner then I imagined. The episode has forced me to face that possibility and other decisions that I have made.

First, I am going to let this take their natural course from here on out. I am not going to frantically try and keep her alive. Part of this decision is economics on my part, as I don't have money to spend on prolonged treatment for a condition that will eventually kill her, but it is also about my cats quality of life as she comes to the end of her life. I want her to be in comfortable surroundings. I also don't want to cause her extra anxiety by always taking her to the vet or emergency room. Furthermore, I want her to be happy where she is, to know that she is loved.

It is hard to make this kind of choice. On one hand to spend money to try and keep her going to do what ever I humanly can, but at what expense to her happiness and my pockebook, that is the key question. I even talked to Ariel last night and told her what I was doing. Heavens knows if she understood, but maybe in some way she did.

I guess this is my way of preparing myself, as well as I can, for what will eventually happen. I really have to take this a day at a time, even an hour at a time if I must. And I can't stop my life, I have to keep doing things like food shopping and laundry and even going out and having fun with friends. I have to try to keep my life in balance while we go through this process.