Since this is my witch's new year - it is a turning of the year - at time to honor the dead and ancestors - the beginning of winter and getting ready to hibernate and deal with the darkness - I have something I want to share.
My old angers are gone. With the possibility of cancer, my outlook on life has shifted significantly. I was incredibly angry and frustrated - mostly at myself - but that spilled over to others. I was angry and frustrated that I would let people down, that I would fail people, I was angry at myself for not achieving my goals and just taking situations and people far too serious - especially myself. I wanted to pull it where others weren't willing or ready to go. I was also afraid that others didn't love me - and honestly I didn't love myself. I hope others can forgive me my anger, my frustrations and my silly notions.
Having now to fight a tumor - I quickly realized that I am loved - by many and that I love myself as well. I had to - If I am going to beat this tumor I have to love and take care of myself - that anger - long burning anger - just wasn't worth it. I gave up those silly notions - I gave up on the idea that I have to be great leader/be in control/I have to pull everyone along/get them to do what they are suppose to do. That is my just being plain too serious and stress out. In refocus on the important things in life these angers and frustrations just didn't seem worth it anymore - they weren't as important as loving and forgiving myself and loving and forgiving other. I had to deeply love myself and forgive myself and I hope other will be able to forgive me my anger and frustration.
So in this new year I really want to focus on love - love of myself and love of others and sharing that love and making that love happy and fun and joyful. That is my Samhain wish for 2009. I have rediscovered love, deep love, for myself, other and life and I will work to make this the most important thing this year and through out the rest of my life. I rededicate myself to Love of Life with all of who I am.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Dumplings and Laundry
The night streamed past us
In car headlights headed to Bloomfield Ave.
We walked along the bumpy sidewalks
With our wire carts before us
Filled with dirty clothes- detergent – fabric softener
Hand bags clutched to the handles
Filled with coveted quarters for doing laundry
We bumped and tripped our way toward the Laundromat
And the Chinese takeout next door
We would load our clothes into the washing machines
The head to the Chinese place
To find a table and place an order of fried dumplings
Dumprings – as they would say
And a deck of cards would come out
Gin Rummy was the preferred game
As our clothes tumbled and spun
First to get wet and washed – then to dry
As we played our evening of cards
And snacked on fried dumplings
Treats in a time of little spare money
Basking momentarily in a friendship now long in years
In car headlights headed to Bloomfield Ave.
We walked along the bumpy sidewalks
With our wire carts before us
Filled with dirty clothes- detergent – fabric softener
Hand bags clutched to the handles
Filled with coveted quarters for doing laundry
We bumped and tripped our way toward the Laundromat
And the Chinese takeout next door
We would load our clothes into the washing machines
The head to the Chinese place
To find a table and place an order of fried dumplings
Dumprings – as they would say
And a deck of cards would come out
Gin Rummy was the preferred game
As our clothes tumbled and spun
First to get wet and washed – then to dry
As we played our evening of cards
And snacked on fried dumplings
Treats in a time of little spare money
Basking momentarily in a friendship now long in years
Friday, September 4, 2009
Morning Glories
Morning Glories
Are summer morning gladness
Bouncing on a sunny breeze
Magenta striped blue purple
Delicate pale pink
Traditional blue
Blossoms that seem to bob along
Fences and walls
Small shouts of gay laughter
In the city’s noisy
Seemingly barren concrete and steel jungle
In seeing them
I too turn my face to the sun
And let breeze wash my face
Knowing I am glad
Are summer morning gladness
Bouncing on a sunny breeze
Magenta striped blue purple
Delicate pale pink
Traditional blue
Blossoms that seem to bob along
Fences and walls
Small shouts of gay laughter
In the city’s noisy
Seemingly barren concrete and steel jungle
In seeing them
I too turn my face to the sun
And let breeze wash my face
Knowing I am glad
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Coming Autumn
A maudlin mood came over me
So let me blame the sun
Casting mornings waning summer light
Across a dust black street and rough sandy concrete sidewalks
She is rising later and later these days
And so she caught me to tell me so
It was that she lit the side walk at all
That caught my eye
Usually during summer
When I pass across this pavement and sidewalk
They aren’t splashed in sunshine
Usually the Sun is already up in the sky
Where taller buildings and el subway platforms block her light
So her light this morning
Stirred something in me
Of ripening and reaping
Of long nights and letting go
Coming autumn
So let me blame the sun
Casting mornings waning summer light
Across a dust black street and rough sandy concrete sidewalks
She is rising later and later these days
And so she caught me to tell me so
It was that she lit the side walk at all
That caught my eye
Usually during summer
When I pass across this pavement and sidewalk
They aren’t splashed in sunshine
Usually the Sun is already up in the sky
Where taller buildings and el subway platforms block her light
So her light this morning
Stirred something in me
Of ripening and reaping
Of long nights and letting go
Coming autumn
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Gangster Solitaire
The four of hearts seemed so vulnerable
Only the three of clubs kept her company
She was surrounded by Black Kings
Black and Red retinue trailing behind them
She had no where to move
No black five would give her refuge
She didn't want to become just another in the line
The other cards
Shifted and move to get the best position
The Queen of Clubs had her Jack
And was prepared to be flattered by his company
But only until the King of Hearts came along
To sweep her off her feet
The Aces don't do nothin
They are four Divas just waiting
Just waiting
Hanging around for all the other action to end
The tension tightens
As cards in threes file past the seven spaces
To see if they will be seated at a table
If they will be allowed to join one of the royal retinues
Everyone is eager to fit
But in good order
Black Red Black Red or
Red Black Red Black
The four of Hearts and her lonely three of clubs
Watch the cards flip by
Almost mocking all who are on the board
The all stare back with a nonchalant hardness
Which comes with a lot of boredom and waiting
Finally out of desperation
The player chooses another game
So the four of hearts was never rescued
Only to show up in another game
Searching for her black five.
Only the three of clubs kept her company
She was surrounded by Black Kings
Black and Red retinue trailing behind them
She had no where to move
No black five would give her refuge
She didn't want to become just another in the line
The other cards
Shifted and move to get the best position
The Queen of Clubs had her Jack
And was prepared to be flattered by his company
But only until the King of Hearts came along
To sweep her off her feet
The Aces don't do nothin
They are four Divas just waiting
Just waiting
Hanging around for all the other action to end
The tension tightens
As cards in threes file past the seven spaces
To see if they will be seated at a table
If they will be allowed to join one of the royal retinues
Everyone is eager to fit
But in good order
Black Red Black Red or
Red Black Red Black
The four of Hearts and her lonely three of clubs
Watch the cards flip by
Almost mocking all who are on the board
The all stare back with a nonchalant hardness
Which comes with a lot of boredom and waiting
Finally out of desperation
The player chooses another game
So the four of hearts was never rescued
Only to show up in another game
Searching for her black five.
Time Warp
Cocky 1930's gangsters
Feeling the control of the world
At the end of a tommy gun
Or Maria Antionette
And let them eat cake
Or the Prisoner
with mind numbing boredom
and 60's solitaire cards taunting me
about the sheer stupidity of today
Fanciful has my mind journey
with no barrier of imagination
Feeling the control of the world
At the end of a tommy gun
Or Maria Antionette
And let them eat cake
Or the Prisoner
with mind numbing boredom
and 60's solitaire cards taunting me
about the sheer stupidity of today
Fanciful has my mind journey
with no barrier of imagination
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Tiger Lilies of Woosamansa Road
This is always one of my favorite roads to drive
Not only that but I love saying it too
Woosamansa
I love the word
Even if I don’t know the Native American meaning
Woosamansa Road
We call it an old cow path
As it twists and turning through the Jersey hills
Old farmsteads come and go on either side
Of the dapple June shaded road
Speckled with sunshine
There are sharp turns left then right
Then woosh around a corner
Down the hill
Next to a stone wall holding the hill at bay
And right next to you
Is a bank of tiger lilies
Waving burnt orange blossoms on the breeze
In front of a stone colonial house
I love driving this road
When I have the chance
Especially when I was young
for all its twists and turns
But also for it countryside historic beauty
The colonial houses
The white one-room schoolhouse
That switchback turn onto Poor Farm Road
Woosamansa Road finally runs
Out to the local highway
Away from the cool dappled
June shaded country
Leaving behind
Those brilliant orange tongues
Beautiful summer fire blossoms
Of the earth’s simple soulful beauty
And some evocative nostalgia
Of youth and summers past
Not only that but I love saying it too
Woosamansa
I love the word
Even if I don’t know the Native American meaning
Woosamansa Road
We call it an old cow path
As it twists and turning through the Jersey hills
Old farmsteads come and go on either side
Of the dapple June shaded road
Speckled with sunshine
There are sharp turns left then right
Then woosh around a corner
Down the hill
Next to a stone wall holding the hill at bay
And right next to you
Is a bank of tiger lilies
Waving burnt orange blossoms on the breeze
In front of a stone colonial house
I love driving this road
When I have the chance
Especially when I was young
for all its twists and turns
But also for it countryside historic beauty
The colonial houses
The white one-room schoolhouse
That switchback turn onto Poor Farm Road
Woosamansa Road finally runs
Out to the local highway
Away from the cool dappled
June shaded country
Leaving behind
Those brilliant orange tongues
Beautiful summer fire blossoms
Of the earth’s simple soulful beauty
And some evocative nostalgia
Of youth and summers past
Friday, June 5, 2009
No regrets
I have always lived with the motto
No regrets
It isn’t worth it to look to the past
And wish for what might have been
The past is what it is
Why get caught up in the what if’s
If this or If that
Things I never felt I had
To make my dreams come true
And now wishing I had
Only leads my heart to ache
The small turns in life
Living life a little on the fly
Look now
The glass is half full
With no regrets
No regrets
It isn’t worth it to look to the past
And wish for what might have been
The past is what it is
Why get caught up in the what if’s
If this or If that
Things I never felt I had
To make my dreams come true
And now wishing I had
Only leads my heart to ache
The small turns in life
Living life a little on the fly
Look now
The glass is half full
With no regrets
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Hmm - not sure what to call this
Heavens - you must think i am crazy - all this anger. Well, yes I am to some degree, but I am not going to suject you to this any more. I have started a seperate blog where I can let my angry words run wild and get them out of me. There I will let my anger be my muse. Please feel free to check it out when ever you want. And in between all the anger - any "nice" poems that come out I will post here.
Be well and Blessed Be,
Carolyn
http://princessbard-angerstalk.blogspot.com/
Be well and Blessed Be,
Carolyn
http://princessbard-angerstalk.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Rage pushed aside
Is this my ghost
Rage pushed aside
Afraid of myself
I didn’t know what to do with it
A woman’s rage
of the horrible truth and knowing
Pain caused in the name of love
all the slights suffered
The more insidious misogyny
Afraid of complete destruction
Burning Madness
Chasing Rage’s illusions
Trapped by going Mad in grief
Never coming back
Reeking havoc
Creating a void
Kali burning in me
A scorched landscape
Fire destroyed
By dragon winged destroyer
Pele’s destructive creation
Just let it burn
Let the flames run through me
Hot flowing lava consume
For I must own it
For to push it awayLeaves it to wander unresolved unclaimed
Rage pushed aside
Afraid of myself
I didn’t know what to do with it
A woman’s rage
of the horrible truth and knowing
Pain caused in the name of love
all the slights suffered
The more insidious misogyny
Afraid of complete destruction
Burning Madness
Chasing Rage’s illusions
Trapped by going Mad in grief
Never coming back
Reeking havoc
Creating a void
Kali burning in me
A scorched landscape
Fire destroyed
By dragon winged destroyer
Pele’s destructive creation
Just let it burn
Let the flames run through me
Hot flowing lava consume
For I must own it
For to push it awayLeaves it to wander unresolved unclaimed
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