Tears

Tears
Some scorn them
Or don’t understand them
They seem as a sign of weakness
Or that one might not be as strong as they could be
To be suppressed or controlled
Or they are used for manipulation
In that use it is dishonest
Tears to be trusted should be honest tears
We were given tears for physical expression
To express pain and hurt
Even deep happiness and joy
Tears let the heart speak
Tears also help move the emotions as energy
To pour them out of the body
Cleansing the body
Helping the healing process
Tears are strength
Tears are honesty
Tears help gather strength
Tears allow for falling apart
To let go and show vulnerability
The break open the deepest part of you
Tears make room for new things
Tears tire the body so it can rest
Tears can empty the spirit and allow it peace

Drawing out the silences of my life

Drawing out the silences of my life
Giving voice to things I am too scared to say
Bring them into the light
Giving them words and feeling
That are now just raw glimmers
Ideas on the ether barely having shape or substance
To do this I have to begin with what I have
What my heart really wants to talk about
Then the silence will begin to come forward
So what do I trust my heart with today
What small fear can I name
The fear of not saying want needs to be said
The fear of hurting others
The fear of another person out of respect
Something that lays heavy on my heart
And yet is very hard to speak
But call me to a deeper dedication
To try
To communicate honestly with people
To trust them with my hurts
Even when they have hurt me
Drawing out the silences
Is trying to find truth and forgiveness
Trying to say the hard truths that are so hard to say

New Year's Toast

" THE FUTURE BELONGS TO THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN THE BEAUTY OF THIER DREAMS".=========ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

" ALWAYS BEAR IN MIND THAT YOUR OWN RESOLUTION TO SUCCEED IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY ONE THING."-------------ABRAHAM LINCOLN

Happy New Year Everyone!

Magical Nights

Let the darkness come
As twilight fades
The stars begin to dapple the sky
Now fire to glow
Mysteries meet
Spirits open to the Universe
It flows free
Those who know it
Open their hearts
Revel and ride with it
Dancing life’s light energy
Journeying to the inside of a candle flame
Knowing love deep in the heart
That is of all things loving wonder

forgiving

Forgiving is found in loving
Not some innocent naïve love
Rather the caring of hurt
To see a heart and love it
Especially when trampled and torn
It is your own heart you must love
In order to forgive
In loving your own heart and it’s hurt
You can then see into other’s heart
And in seeing your hurt in their hearts
The limitations of life and loving
Then you continue loving

Good bye 2009

Here I am - on New Year's Eve - for once - alone - and I welcome it. I am surrounded by candle and xmas lights, music that fills my heart full of hope, and my eyes shine with my own happiness. I have banana bread baking in the oven, took a nap with my beloved Soma, and have movies queued up for the evening.

As twilight falls and the witching hours draws closer I will take on of my shower/baths and wash away 2009. I will have a new skin to grow into for 2010. As a wash away 2009 there are things that will stay with me, the new friends I have, the strength, courage and wisdom I have found and most especially the love that I share with others.

I feel happy tonight. I feel strong. I feel hopeful for the future. I am positive. Tonight I am not going mourn what has been lost - as most of you know I have done enough of that already. Tonight I choose to being in light of Love, hope and courage.

So, I give myself and everyone else a Very Happy New Year with all the Love and Hope that come from the future.

Gummy Bears

Personally I prefer the red ones
But then there are these very pale yellow ones
Like the color of champagne
Or pear flavored life savers
That I liked too
I would get them at the college sweet shop
Just before going to the Science Fiction Group
Where I was introduced to world opening experiences of
Buckaroo Bonsai
Japanese Anime
Dr. Who
Red Dwarf
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
Where our code phrase was
“Give me the Locknar, you bitch”
It was there
I blame Danny
With his innocuous brown paper bag
Filled with Gummy Bears
And I would surreptitiously dip my hand in that bag
Pulling out these cute sweet delights
Savoring their squishy – jell-o like forms
Between tongue and teeth
That was infinitely more interesting than popcorn
Becoming for all of us that mindless movie snack
One sweet spot in my otherwise ambivalent college existence

celebrating winter

It takes Thanksgiving being over for me to think the harvest is over and winter is here.

This weekend I opened my soul to winter. I welcomed in the bare beauty of the earth, especially the trees. They are beautiful with no leaves - their elegant structure and design. I welcome in the long nights and dark silence. I love that the sun is low in the sky and everything has long shadows. I love especially the evening twilight - that to me is a magical time to watch the day turn to night.

The lights and music of Yule help brighten the beauty of winter - and the challenge is keeping the beauty going in the middle of January - but we will deal with that when it gets here.

Samhain 2009

Since this is my witch's new year - it is a turning of the year - at time to honor the dead and ancestors - the beginning of winter and getting ready to hibernate and deal with the darkness - I have something I want to share.

My old angers are gone. With the possibility of cancer, my outlook on life has shifted significantly. I was incredibly angry and frustrated - mostly at myself - but that spilled over to others. I was angry and frustrated that I would let people down, that I would fail people, I was angry at myself for not achieving my goals and just taking situations and people far too serious - especially myself. I wanted to pull it where others weren't willing or ready to go. I was also afraid that others didn't love me - and honestly I didn't love myself. I hope others can forgive me my anger, my frustrations and my silly notions.

Having now to fight a tumor - I quickly realized that I am loved - by many and that I love myself as well. I had to - If I am going to beat this tumor I have to love and take care of myself - that anger - long burning anger - just wasn't worth it. I gave up those silly notions - I gave up on the idea that I have to be great leader/be in control/I have to pull everyone along/get them to do what they are suppose to do. That is my just being plain too serious and stress out. In refocus on the important things in life these angers and frustrations just didn't seem worth it anymore - they weren't as important as loving and forgiving myself and loving and forgiving other. I had to deeply love myself and forgive myself and I hope other will be able to forgive me my anger and frustration.

So in this new year I really want to focus on love - love of myself and love of others and sharing that love and making that love happy and fun and joyful. That is my Samhain wish for 2009. I have rediscovered love, deep love, for myself, other and life and I will work to make this the most important thing this year and through out the rest of my life. I rededicate myself to Love of Life with all of who I am.

Dumplings and Laundry

The night streamed past us
In car headlights headed to Bloomfield Ave.
We walked along the bumpy sidewalks
With our wire carts before us
Filled with dirty clothes- detergent – fabric softener
Hand bags clutched to the handles
Filled with coveted quarters for doing laundry
We bumped and tripped our way toward the Laundromat
And the Chinese takeout next door
We would load our clothes into the washing machines
The head to the Chinese place
To find a table and place an order of fried dumplings
Dumprings – as they would say
And a deck of cards would come out
Gin Rummy was the preferred game
As our clothes tumbled and spun
First to get wet and washed – then to dry
As we played our evening of cards
And snacked on fried dumplings
Treats in a time of little spare money
Basking momentarily in a friendship now long in years