NYC pet peeves - 1

The subway is a big source of frustration for New Yorkers. This particular pet peeve I call men lounging. First this complaint does not pertain to most men. There are some how ever who seem to think subway seats are their personal couches, and so they spread out in all directions like they are home watching TV. This bodily sprawl denies seats to other tired riders, yet these men seem to think it is their god given right to do this. Not only do they lounge and sprawl, but they also sit with their legs wide open – giving their dangly parts room – so I have heard. They too think they don’t have to make room for others. How selfish, discourteous, and inconsiderate. Heaven forbid if you challenge these men and their antics. I saw a woman the other day address a man who had his legs open as if he were a whore. She asked him to move over and to give her room. He gave her a hard time, but she won in the end – with a little petty squabbling seating space. But he pouted like a little boy – which is exactly what he is.

assumptions and expections

July 30, 2008

Let me use the language of assumption and expectation when talking about making mistakes. We have assumptions and expectations for all kinds of reasons, but I think we have them partly to protect vulnerable parts of ourselves. We shield ourselves by creating assumptions and expectations for how life should be. By assuming another person thinks or acts a certain way, based on some perceived information – only to find out the assumption was wrong can be a lesson in shortsightedness and humility. Assumptions are a façade on our own blind spots and even hidden tender wounds. Expectations can be family or society norms, ethics or ideals that we have learned, make us who we are, but can also blind us to what is not the truth about our lives.

This lesson of assumption and expectation has been visited on me recently, along with the humility of trying to learn the lesson. When such vulnerabilities are exposed my assumptions and expectation took over seemingly either to explain or defend myself, and I end up hurting not just myself but others as well.

And yet it takes a willingness to be vulnerable that can expose assumptions and expectations for what they are – facades, mirages hiding all kinds of secrets. They are illusions that are mirrors reflecting back at us only what we want to see. Vulnerability puts a crack in those mirrors and exposes those facades and mirages and can expose the truth underneath.

That truth can show that life can be more ambiguous and less defined, more messy and chaotic but also creative and wonderful and full of possibilities that expectations and assumptions can cut off, or be made to conform.

Around and about in New York City

8:30 a.m. Star sighting

It was a flash of recognition

Only on my part

He didn’t know me from Adam

But I had seen him many times

White House News Correspondent of “West Wing”

Brother to Kevin Costner in “Field of Dreams”

I was probably the only one

In that Subway car

Who knew who he was

And being a New Yorker

I let it slide by

Going about my regular routine

Only one added glance

To verify for me he was who he was

Since his coloring had greyed

And when I glanced again he was gone

Maybe off at the Greenpoint Avenue stop

Maybe Metropolitan Avenue

I am not sure

carousel of ideas

My brain never seems to stop. Spinning around the carousel of endless personal psycho babble and unfulfilled, out of reach dreams of wanting, wanting more money, a special relationship, more exciting/challenging job, different home, to redecorate, to build, create, write. All the time spinning around in my mind and in my gut. All of this has lead me to stop chasing this stuff, to stop and just be. I have to credit the Dalai Lama for getting me to see this in this way. He spoke of Americans being greedy - and we are. No wonder we are obsese and stressed out. We always want more. The real grace is to live with less. And it isn't just money or possessions that we are greedy for, it is for being happy - or at least numb by drugs. We are greedy for land, resources, ideas.

Now this is not to say that I/we shouldn't work toward things or try to acheive important goals. I think we need to work for things, but what I think is that we have gotten too far out of balance in that we want all the time, to the point where we don't know how to just be.

moments of awe

What a way to start a blog - with something I love to do - write poems. I love to write about things that catch my eye, a lot like my photography. I also like to try to catch moments of awe and turn them into words. Here is what caught my eye today.

Look to rain soaked trees

Summer dawn is yawning awake

Heavy with moisture

Sunlit misty air

Rain drops hang as fluid crystals

Strung along tree limbs

A necklace catching sunlight

Lifting the sticky dew

Making the air glisten