Sharp sunlight city defined

I know it has been a while since I wrote anything, but with Samhain, I will be writing more

Sharp sunlight city defined


It was not electric light
That shocked my senses
Rather clear sunlight
Sharpened by departing
Charcoal Clouds
Capping the sun as a cotton down blanket
Of a rain storm that cleared the air
Making it crisp
With no shadow’s ray
Bathing the eye’s awareness
To lines urban beauty
Bright between tall steel and lighted glass
And in the early setting sun
Cast clear watery glow toward the ocean
Absent of setting suns flamboyant colors
Did make the city
Glow too
Clean defined
In Nature’s light

A birthday poem

Giving birth to me


I have been up for hours
In the dark of night
In candle light
Christmas light glowing at dawn
Rubbing my belly
It feels like
I have all of a sudden
Let go of 40 years of fear
An my belly hurts
Bursting free
My fingers have pierced the membrane
Of memories holding me back
And the flood of hurt
Flows out of my cells
My nerves
Raw in newness
On fire with love
For around are many other women
Beloved Friends
Holding my hand
Whispering in my ear
Hugging me
Holding me up
Calling beloved me back to me
As I rub my belly
Worshipping all it has held
All it is letting go
Wrapping myself in soft burgundy red velvet
A red coin scarf swaths my belly
It is more precious than gold
Warm love tears mingled joy and sorrow
Wash over me
Carrying healing
Bathing me in hope
I feel a tired begin to creep in around me
I want to sleep
With smiles and bubbles
Dream silly dreams of laughter
Wrapped warm
In a deep awe of love
This is how I give birth to myself

Honoring

Honoring

The body stops

Hurts aches

Wants to fall apart

Slipping into the lavender water

Warm enveloping comfort

Getting to the secret places

Of loving and grit

Here in the quiet

Letting the body float

Baptized by lavender

I hold me

I hug my arms

I explore every toe

Watch my long hair

Float as seaweed

In the currents of my body

I kiss my breasts

Run my hand down my strong legs

Caress my cancer scared belly

Pushing warm water waves

Over this roundness of life

In holding to let go

Wailing for all I hold in my soul

Salt tears mingle with glitter lit water

For the sorrow and hope

That is now a turbulent pool

In my soul

Here I find honor

Here I find honor for my story

For the fears of death

I face with all the courage I had

For the anxiety of working this alone

Here I find honor for things lost

Friendships that are no more

A way of life that died

So I could find a new way and an old way

Back to loving me

Here I find honor for those who helped

In small and big ways

For the hands held, shoulders cried on

For seeing the rebirth in the kindest words

For just being there

Here I find honor for myself

Honoring the entire experience

For learning more to love

For the courage to face my fears

For the gratitude of being alive

For being able to hold all these things

Sorrow, anger, gratitude, hope, love, joy, fear

Here I find honor for myself

For being able to hold all these things

Rose December Beauty

Bright winter sun

Low in the afternoon sky

Cleared by last night’s storm

Wind and rain

Against the heavy thick sky

Is chilled crisp in quiet

Sinking in of winter beauty

Here in the aftermath

Scattered Rose petals

Among fallen brown oak and sycamore leaves

Showing rosehips ripening red-orange

By winter sun

Here in Winter’s barren beauty

Buds and blossoms

Roses

Velvet Red, Pink, Lavender, Yellow

Shocking color in winter’s palette

Warming lingering hope

In soundless enveloping petals

Bobbing on winter breezes

What am I thankful for today

I have been trying to practice gratitude over the last week or so. Some days are great and some days are like today. I can list what I am grateful for - but I am not feeling the gratitude - until this afternoon, so here goes

I am thankful I have a job where I can be quiet and let sometimes troubling things just be
I am thankful for the November roses still blooming in the rose garden at work
I am thankful for the oak tree I walk around
I am thankful for the autumn leaves on the ground that I can playfully shuffle through
I am thankful I am going to talk to my therapist tonight - to help with all this Thanksgiving stuff
I am thankful for my breath - as I draw it in and let it go

These little gratitudes have helped me through this day.....

I did the ice cream thing.....

Saturday night - after the red tent temple on the way home I was thinking about Priscilla and I wanted something creamy. I didn't have any yogurt in the house so I got some Ben and Jerry's everything but the ice cream. I thought ( ha) that I could just have 1/2 the pint - but it was so hard to scoop out that I just did the whole thing - and it tasted good. Well, there we go, that is that.....

Sunday I didn't feel great, so I went back to be, proceeded to get a migraine - I haven't had one of those in a couple of years and lounge my way through the rest of the day.

Today is kind of blah - I really wanted to crawl under a rock this morning. I am thinking about Thanksgiving - and having a little panic because I am not going home. My parents have gone through some big changes this year but I want to be in NYC part of the weekend to visit Priscilla in the hospital and maybe get a burger with her husband George. I really feel kind of torn about this holiday. I struggle with hanging out this new people and I struggle with hanging out with my family. Honestly I have been feeling a little lonely.


I am not so worried about Thanksgiving day and over eating - it is a day to enjoy good food and good people and I intend on doing both without reservation. I am researching recipes for a pear cobbler without gluten, eggs or dairy - well I might use butter. I am going to use almond flour and maybe add apples or apricot jam to my creation. I am also bringing a pumpkin pie for dessert.

Body Love

The night turned chilled

From the first of the winter rains

Inside the dark room

Red, pink and purple Christmas lights

Magic color glowed

I naked on the bed

Dreaming of body love

Filling every cell with luminous

Pink glitter light

Saying

I am sorry

For all the harm

I unthinkingly subjected you to

In the sorrow

I opened all of me

To tingling light awareness

Caressing me

Inside and out

Lusciously loving all my wiggly curves

My heart was awake

Both sorrow and joy

Wanting to burst this container

To let love fly in the night

Bouquet of Autumn Leaves

Pick a bouquet of autumn leaves

Heavy paint patterns

Zebra stripe yellow and deep red

Revealed under the green

Collect the yellow maple leaves

That show off against the twilight

Long shadowed sun

Dipping deep in the west

Seeking winter rest

Here the pinch of regret

Of colors having to pass away

A of the delicate fair pink roses

Whose petals now dance on the

Twilight autumn wind

That I too could fly away

To some wind swept rest

Wrapped in rose petals and painted leaves

Speed Bumps

I don’t know about you
But I don’t go gently and slow
Over the Speed Bumps of life
No
I actually don’t see mind coming
This time it was by denial
How in the world I didn’t think
This wouldn’t come back to bite me
After falling off the wagon
Baffles me
But there you have it
I figuratively slammed into my speed bump
And
Tumbling along
Were bundles of issues
Related and deep
Tangled up
In memories, episodes, experiences
And yet I knew it was out there
Maybe I even created it
Working on questions
Breaking old patterns
Forging a new path
Where the old patterns don’t work
Others try to reassure me
This wasn’t a speed bump
Rather a root a tripped on
By reminding me of many good things
Courage
Questions
Getting into the murky muck
And I tried to listen
My head knew they were right
But my heart
Felt wounded
By its own betrayal
I lost faith in myself
It was hard to believe in me
So I love this heart
And my questions
And I forgive me
Finding faith and magic again
So that in time I learn from
My own betrayal
To be honest with myself
To unpack and reveal the hidden pattern
To Love my heart and all of me
So that
The next speed bump I come to
I might roll over it more easily